I promise you, it gives you a whole new lease on writing life. I wonder if this was wise? *watches with interest*' Try it. I know, I know, for most of you – technological whiz-kids that you are – I might as well be saying, 'Throw away your wax tablets! I recently discovered a marvellous new medium for recording communications – have you heard of papyrus?' but for those of you even slower on the uptake than I am, an example might run thus: 'Toryboy in Westminster today, during student protests. Via Twitter, the use of asterisks to denote activity. Thanks, Gillian – it was beautiful.Īward for Happiest Typology-Based Discovery of the Year

Gillian McKeith on TV's I'm A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! The gibberish-spouting poo-pusher finally stood – or, rather, slumped weakly to the floor whenever confronted with the objects of her multitudinous jungle-based phobias – revealed in all her ridiculous non-glory.

Now sit down and do your GCSEs.'Īward for Most Satisfying Public Demonstration Of A Human Absurdity Some Of Us Have Been Insisting On For Years But Whom We, Baffled, Have Had To Watch Go On To Increasing Wealth And Success In The Meantime To wit: 'Hey, police and protesters! Stop all that rumblestrutting and have a cup of tea and this nice bit of lettuce!' Or, 'Boys, stop rumblestrutting in the playground before someone loses an eye. I can't tell you how much I love the idea of one creature whose front end looks exactly the same as its back end, and whose fur has not even decided in which direction it wants to lie, trying to assert dominance over another equally absurd-looking mini-beast.Īlso, it's an excellent-sounding word that could be used to defuse many an awkward situation. This is the name of the sound made by guinea pigs when they are trying to assert their dominance (though some say it is also a form of greeting). Of these, this last shall always be first and so we begin with:Īward for Best New Word Learned This Year I don't know about you, but I also like to indulge in a little mental awards ceremony for the best and worst discoveries, moments, nuggets of only ever possibly vanishingly peripheral use in life but that are nevertheless, for some indefinable reason, worth recording. So, it's that time again, where we need to look back, take stock, determine the successes and failures of the past 12 months and decide whether it is worth continuing with the next. In fact, I think I'll just go back and take out the exclamation mark with which I ended the first sentence, to be on the safe side.

As ever, I am typing this quietly in case you are feeling a little fragile the morning after a humdinger of a night before.

Lucy in my eyes